Ate so much again today.
Only 855 calories.
I just don't have the energy to do ANYTHING, and I think my performance at work is suffering, so I feel I have to fuel myself.
Just till the end of the week when I'm all done with this hideous early morning shifts.
So ya, had my usual overnight oats for breakfast.
Came home, lazed around and was cranky. Got chili going in the slow cooker. Fed the kids lunch.
Had a power nap. Was not at all empowered afterwards...
So I figured I needed food.
REAL food; not lettuce/spinach.
So I made a corn, cucumber, red pepper, tomato salad dressed with lime juice, basil, and a scant bit of vegenaise.
Stuffed that shit with some hummus into a real live flaxseed tortilla. 150 calories! Oh Lord help me!
And cut it in half on the diagonal all purdy-like.
Planned to eat half but I scarfed it all.
Immediately felt energized. Who woulda thunk.
But was it worth 310 fucking calories?!!! I think not people!
Made the best cornbread muffins for dinner with the vegan chili.
The kids all liked them - even the one extra who's visiting.
I ate one that broke, then had another broken one after dinner.
Made them mini muffins to keep calories/muffin low.
62 calories/muffin.
Now I feel huge.
Like a fucking whale.
Weighed in fully clothed half an hour ago - 111.8lbs
GOD I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO FUCKING OBSESSED.
post scriptum
19 hours ago
Hey, it's the end of the day AND you're fully clothed? So 111.8 is definitely higher than your actual weight.
ReplyDeleteYou listened to your body today--you fed it when it needed to be fed, because you had things that you had to get done. That's okay. That's GOOD. That's living WITH this shit, not letting it ruin you.
Also: I once read that if you take a nap and wake up still tired/sluggish, there's a really good chance you're dehydrated. Have a couple of glasses of water before your next nap and see if it helps!