What did you expect to find? Was there something you left behind?

Today was tough, self-talk wise.
I missed my morning snack; although it was just half an apple anyway.
It set me up for worry the entire day - am I going to binge now? Have I screwed this up?
Took A to preschool, went shopping and spent too much on clothes that are just a little too tight.
I had to go buy XS yoga pants; I bought the S ones just over a month ago. They were tight when I bought them at 134 lbs, unwearable due to camel toe/pantyline issues. I just began wearing them around the house a few days ago, and now at 123 lbs they are too loose.
Bought a pair of denim capris (size 4) and some drawstring fleece capris (also XS).
It motivates me; makes me feel all happy inside.
Yet there is the voice: The store obviously tends toward bigger sizes. You are not an XS in any sense of the words.


I was feeling a little tired after that, very likely due to lack of food, so I skipped the gym while A was in preschool.
Convinced myself that I couldn't be back in time before N was home, and I hadn't warned her I wouldn't be there when she got back from school.
Also had a fleeting notion of running up to the preschool to pick up A.
Luckily for me laziness won out there, as it started hailing when I drove up to the school.


After eating a black bean taco for dinner, I felt a little more energetic. (Well, duh! Really, you think I'd know this by now!)
I had a babysitter in tonight so I could go to work for 1.5 useless hours. So I asked if she would stay a bit longer so I could go to the gym after.
After work, even on the drive to the gym, I was trying to back out.
Telling myself I did not eat enough today to fuel a workout. That I was going to head back down that slippery slope of restricting and start that cycle again.
But in the end I changed lanes and headed for the gym.


I am still recognizing those ED thoughts.
Today I think they may have gotten the best of me, but tomorrow I will put them in their place again.
Jerks.