Flip me over but the sickly scent of asthma never comes

My ipod died. :(
I went to turn it on at the gym last night, and nothing happened. I thought that was weird, considering it had over half it's battery life left earlier in the day. But I figured I had accidentally left it running so it had died.
But I got home and plugged it into the charger, and nothing happened. Won't even start charging.
So, I had to buy new running shoes & a new ipod in one week. Down another $128.
This fitness business is expensive...

Just got a little ipod nano, that has a clip so I can clip it to the outside of my workout gear. My old one was slightly bigger, those tall thin ones that are now out of rotation, but had no clip, so I was always tucking it into the waistband of my pants. It would get all nasty and sweat-covered while I was working out.
I always figured that couldn't be too good for it.

Worked skating today, then a birthday party. I was worried that the mom was not too impressed with my party management skills (who invites 21 kids to a party?!) - she kept coming over and asking what we were going to do next, and mentioning that she thought some of the kids were getting bored, and maybe it was time for an activity change.
Then afterwards she told me what a great job I had done, and gave me an extra $10?
Strange, but I won't complain. Helps with paying the babysitter.

I have felt so tired today. I got up, lazed around, and was irritable all morning.
Got my ass in gear to go to work, then came home and was grouchy again.
I planned to do the 30 day shred again, but I can't find the energy.
I think I'll just take today as a rest day.

N seems to be feeling better.
She still rested all day until about 3pm, then got up and started actually moving. She was well enough to go to a bowling party tonight, and she just got home and into bed about 15 minutes ago.
I'm glad she's recovering, I still think it's a little weird for her to go about randomly fainting.
Hopefully no more, or we'll have to get blood tests done.

Sunday school party at the church tomorrow - they are serving pizza for the kids for lunch.
Pizza and I do not have a good relationship.
If I trusted myself to eat a single slice of pizza without it triggering a massive binge, I wouldn't worry. Unfortunately, I have no such faith in my will power. So I can't/won't eat any pizza.
"Gluten-free" diet.
They will probably have a veggie tray too. I'll fill my plate with those.

I can't screw this up now, I am just starting to see some results.
I'll post my current weigh-in on Monday, and note the difference.
How I love that it is dropping; how I hate that I know it isn't right. Isn't healthy or proper.

I wonder how people would think of me if the saw me as a skeleton? As I was before? Would they still want me running birthday parties? What kind of role model would I be then?
At my lowest weight it was in the summertime, so I wasn't seen by people at the school; and I wasn't working so many places, so I didn't get seem by as many people. But the people that saw me noticed - although they never mentioned anything then.
I wanted to post a pic for you, of me at my lowest. You could see my ribcage. I look back and find it disgusting, but yet I would go there all over again.
I can't find the pic. I may have gotten rid of them all.
That's the sickness of it, I suppose. The disorder.

And you know, my kids are tiny. Tonight, as N was getting into bed, I saw the same bones.
The same ribcage. She is so skinny.
And the irrational, disordered part of me is SO jealous. Of my daughter. Of a pre-pubescent 10 year-old.
When I was skinny we could share clothes. She borrows some of the things I wore then.
Because you know I won't throw them away.

Anyhow, I am hoping to sneak off and pretend I need to go grocery shopping during lunch, and then meet them for ice skating later. I have to go because at 3, A is the youngest kid and kinda needs parental supervision.