A look back...

Aww, thanks Genna for admittedly reading through my ENTIRE blog. ;)
After I read your comment, I wondered what exactly it was that I had written way back when - I can't remember and this blog has been rather, well, fragmented to say the least.
So I went back and read all my old posts myself. :)

And I realize that I'm still in practically the same place as I was when I started, what, like 2 years ago?
Still struggling - wanting to be thinner and yet not wanting to have an eating disorder.
Wanting to feel good about my body and not hate it.

This year has certainly been a roller coaster for me.
I ended my marriage last March.
I took the girls road-tripping to my friends' wedding last summer, and returned to find I was being forced out of our house when the ex decided that we weren't actually done yet and he was moving back in. (umm, no sweetie, we aren't gonna be living together...)
We've since moved twice.
I'm still in the process of getting a divorce. It's turning out to be very messy and has so far cost me $11,000 in lawyers' fees.
It'll be even more after we go to court in September.

I got hired on as a postal clerk at Canada Post.
Casual, but the pay is fantastic and I have been offered term positions, so I am getting a shit-ton of work.
Right now it's night shifts, from 11pm - 3 am, so that's somewhat brutal, but I'm managing and it's paying the bills.
I can do lots of things around there: I do retail at the till, I sort the mail/parcels, and I have even been trained to drive the forklift!
I'm also still working at the Rec Centre in town and at Subway. I average about 50-55 hours work in total per week.

I hooked up with that boy in November. We got drunk and... well, you know.
We continued seeing each other and had casual sex for about 3 months, until I admitted that we might as well just be dating.
He is younger, quite irresponsible, and completely unemployed. Somehow his freedom and carelessness attracts me.

I am now taking 6 much needed weeks off from all work. I think I've had 2 days off since January.
I'm recovering from this surgery, which I had July 5th. Total hysterectomy and tummy tuck.
I went in at 125 lbs and came out 3 days later at 118 lbs.
Currently at 115 lb.
I'm recovering well. I feel pretty much normal except that I get worn out a bit more quickly.
I'm bored as hell sitting around doing nothing the majority of the time.
I've started venturing out - got my hair done and my eyebrows done last week. :)
I also have a lot of time to think about food and cooking and such - you think I'd be doing more of it but I'm hooked on juicing and raw veggie wraps these days...

I thought this tummy tuck would help my ED and body image issues.
And it has - I mean, my new belly is FANTASTIC!
But it's still not enough.
I still hate my thighs, my arms, my butt & boobs.
I doubt I will ever be good enough for my own standards.

Plus, my nose is unfortunately gigantic and it's so not attractive.
I fixed one part of me and found a million more to hate.

But anyhow.
Here's some pictures, because I used to post pics a lot and haven't for awhile. :)

Me aand A, May 2013 - 123 lbs. See that protruding belly? Now imagine it GONE!!! <3 Yay for cosmetic surgery!

A the bumblebee - all ready for her dance recital!

A preschool graduate! I can't believe she'll be in Kindergarten in a month...

N & A feeding some birds, Feb 2013

A in Aug 2012 @ wedding

N in Aug 2012 @ my friend's wedding

Me in the middle. SO FAT - 129 lbs. Aug 2012.
PS: I still got laid though!