I swear to you, I'll never eat again.

Today I got the first comment about my most recent weight loss.
"You look great, you know! You've lost a lot of weight!"
Funny, I've only actually lost 10 lbs.
10 more to go; halfway there.
After that, who knows, really?

Weigh-in day is tomorrow. I don't think the drop this week is very significant.
I went out twice this weekend; dinner on Saturday with the bf (veggie sandwich & salad) followed by about 4 alcoholic beverages. :S
I love getting hammered but I hate the calories it involves. Good thing I'm too broke to do it very often.

Then on Sunday we went out to a nearby town to watch a friend run a triathlon (crazy, right? I wish I could do one!), and met up with her and her family for lunch (veggie/humus pita with fries, and a small raw coconut chocolate square).
I was expecting a huge gain, so I went to the gym Sunday night and worked out pretty hard. Did a full body workout and some cardio on the elliptical.
Woke up Monday morning to a loss!
I've gained since then but nothing significant, and I just got home from another workout; an abs focused day.
It had better hurt tomorrow.

I'm also somewhat concerned that my bf is watching my food.
We do not live together; I like my privacy and my space, and we both work a lot, him often out of town, so we go for a week or 2 without seeing each other. But then will spend an entire day or weekend together; just hanging out.
That was the case this weekend. I went over to his place Friday night, slept over there, hung out all day on Saturday doing grocery shopping/errands and other than that pretty much nothing, then we went out for dinner and came back to my place where we proceeded to drink.
We woke up pretty early on Sunday and went to that tri, walked all around the town being tourists. Got home and I tried to convince him to come to the gym with me (but I know he hates it), so I went myself and came back to his place about 2 hours later.
Hung out watching TV, and then he starts nomming on cookies and says:
"You must be hungry, you didn't eat much today AND you went to the gym."
My reply is my usual; if I eat right after a workout I feel sick to my stomach. My stomach gives me a lot of problems these days. ;)

I recently showed him pictures of me when I was at my sickest point.
I know he thinks anorexics are unattractive, we've joked about it before.
He also knew I was anorexic before, but he didn't know me then, and I kinda glazed over how bad it was.
I think he was a bit shocked by them; he said my arms were gross, just bones with skin stretched over them.
Good thing the picture of my protruding ribs accidentally got deleted.
It was terrible but gorgeous all at the same time.
I told him that my mind and body had been very sick, and that I can see it was gross and unhealthy now; but I admitted that I still hate myself, that I still want to be thin, and that I would do it all over again.
I told him that I know that I can't go there again; I need to be here for my kids and I have to live my life, not just exist like a walking talking zombie.
I told him I understand that it is a lot to deal with in a relationship, and that I don't expect anyone to have to deal with my problems except myself.
I gave him opportunity to run.
He didn't.

This was an essay, I know.
Nothing exciting in my world really except that I am still losing weight and I still haven't binged.
We are coming up on week number 5 here folks; I think this might be a record.
I know I am restricting though, and over-exercising considering my low calorie intake.
I don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass in the form of a giant month-long binge.

Random thought:
My hipbones keep stabbing my arms as I type this on my laptop.
Skinny girl problems?
I'll take 'em!