That was just a dream.

Well, had a busy-ish day today. A day I almost would have regretted. I almost binged. ALMOST.

I woke up this morning, really sluggish. Slept until 8 am, then had to get up because N wanted me to fix her french braids. I did my best, but I am not an expert in these things. I never liked braids in my hair as a kid, my mom pulled too hard.
Finally got A off to preschool (like I mentioned, she is NOT a morning person). She said she would rather go back to bed and sleep, but I made her go. I have put her in the morning preschool starting in September for 4 days a week, so she'll need to get used to this! I really prefer to have my "alone-time" in the morning as opposed to the afternoon, since then N is in school the whole time as well, and it is all mine.

Then I headed to the gym, got on the elliptical and started my workout. Still rather exhausted, but determined, as I know I always feel better afterwards. I think I got going for about 1 1/2 minutes before the cashier comes into the gym and tells me that the school called.
N has almost passed out.
I did a double-take. Wait a minute, N?!
I'm not surprised by having to pick up A at preschool, that happens often, but I NEVER have to go get N. And she almost passed out?! Her teacher caught her before she fell?
Well, as you can imagine, that was the end of that workout session.

I went to get my poor sick baby. She was really looking pale, but was able to walk/talk/function fine. She didn't know what was wrong, but still felt pretty unwell. I suggested maybe she didn't eat enough breakfast this morning (I think it was only rice krispies, but like I said, I slept in), and her blood sugar was low - maybe she needed some sugar to help her feel better.
She thought this was a great idea, and I had to point out that I meant healthy-ish sugars.
So we went to a coffee shop and got her a muffin and some apple juice. We just sat there for awhile, I thought it might be good for her to have some alone time with me, even if it is small. We don't get that too much anymore.
I asked her if there was anything she was worried about, that sometimes stress or being upset can cause your body to faint, and she said no. I still can't help but worry.

Anyhow, we got home around 11 and she spent the rest of the afternoon in bed and on the couch, reading books, playing on her ipod, and drifting in and out of sleep. Not too healthy looking.

I made the girls English muffin pizzas for lunch: half an english muffin for each of them, with tomato sauce & cheese, broiled for a couple seconds. Not a huge hit, they both only ate half of the "halves".
And I did it.
I ate the other quarters.
I ate half an English muffin with frickin' cheese on it!
Hence my last post.
The eating of the muffin itself was not all that bad, it's the binge that it may (and usually does) trigger. I suppose because it was not a part of the day's food plan and it was not one of my safe foods.
I didn't see your comment until later Claire, but I did distact myself. I did a round of the 30 Day Shred, then tested out my new Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum game for the wii. By the time I was done, I had to shower, pick up the babysitter, and go to work at 4.

This sounds dumb, but I'm really proud of myself for warding off the binge. I know I am not eating properly right now, but a binge would not help the situation. It would only make it worse. Make me feel worse.

I am not pleased with what I did to counteract the English muffin incident, though. I planned to take some leftover Tabbouleh to work to eat for dinner. But it was 278 calories. So I took leftover Lentil Dal instead. It was 77 calories. I felt the need to restrict due to the so-called indulgence earlier. That is so unreasonable and so abnormal. Shite.

And I also finished my shift (I actually work at the gym, I'm a cashier) and went into the gym just before we close up (I finish at 8:45, gym closes at 9 but I can stay in a bit longer). Did the elliptical I missed earlier, and went for longer, 25 minutes vs 23. Burned 230 calories.
Also, there was the exercise I did earlier to prevent binging, about 220 calories.
I think that made up for half and English muffin and some cheese.

I hate that I am so unreasonable.
But I just want to be thinner.

Thanks for reading.

Please

Don't let me binge, don't let me binge. It is not over. Don't binge.

I found God and he was absolutely just like me

Today was somewhat eventful.
I went to a meeting for work early in the morning, 8:30am. Too early. Almost had to stay home - let's just say my little brat child (did I say I loved this girl a few posts ago?) is NOT a morning person  -and I had to send her back to bed for about 20 minutes until she calmed down.
Luckily she decided it wasn't worth missing out on a playdate at her friends' place, and told me she was "ready to be nice now, not cranky."
Meeting was pretty useless and boring as all hell. What a waste of 2.5 hours. Good thing I got paid.

Then we went out to the mall, as I desperately need some new running shoes.
I decided this after Zumba last night, when I was slipping all over the floor and almost did a couple of face plants. Same problem at my boot camp class. Push-ups are really hard when your toes keep slipping out from under you. At least, that's been my excuse.
So I got some new Asics.

$123 poorer. :S

They feel comfy, I tried them out tonight at boot camp. No blisters so far.
I remember the first walk I took with my old runners - tore all the skin off my heels so badly I was in pain for over a week. It was honestly excruciating. And after 4 years, they still do it when I wear the wrong socks. Cheap ones. Definitely time for an upgade.
For $123 these ones had better be less painful.

Also bought this to brighten up my kitchen. :D

Apple Sink Mat

I am obsessed with apples these days.

I have apple snack bags, sandwich wraps, and I eat them as a snack whenever I am feeling hungry.

Next I am going to dry apple rings in the oven. I made banana chips this way, and they are pretty yummy. My Babe likes to nibble them right up.

Got home with a message saying I am being offered a temporary position counting mail at the post office. This will last for 2 weeks, 3 hours a day, Mon-Fri.

I'm thankful for the extra income, but really not looking forward to the extra work.

Didn't do much extravagent in the way of cooking tonight, it was a leftover night.

How we end up with so many leftovers is beyond me. Oh wait, maybe it's because my kids are fussy and I don't eat...

I did experiment with a muffin, though. I halved this recipe and made it in a small ramekin using 2 T egg whites in place of a whole egg, and margarine in place of coconut oil. I also have a slight aversion to stevia, so I added a tiny bit of agave instead.

It turned out okay, it did puff up and did slip out of the ramekin easily. It makes me smile when things don't stick! It wasn't very sweet though, so I think next time I will add about 1/3 of a stevia packet instead of the agave (less calories, too). And I will also use 1 T flax seed & 1 T whole wheat flour, as the texture was just a bit too grainy for me, who is obviously a recovering processed carb addict.

It ended up costing me 100 calories, which I suppose isn't bad. I'm hoping the flax may also help keep things moving, if you know what I mean... ;)